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Reflection on Aging




Yum

August 15, 2015 by Andrea Fabry 13 Comments

The year I turned 50 I obsessed about my age. I cringed when I heard the term “senior discount”. I wondered if I should I keep coloring my hair. I had trouble transitioning (seemingly overnight) from young mom to “older woman”.

I obsessed about my age the year I turned 50. Eight years later I'm looking ahead with excitement and a stronger sense of reality.

My world collapsed the year I turned 51. (Read our story here.) My questions changed as I sought to recover my health and the health of my family.

I recently turned 58. I’ve had time to reflect on growing older. I’ve also had time to think about suffering, loss, depression, and grief in ways I would never have imagined. I haven’t resolved my struggles. In fact, I have more questions than ever.

But I’ve learned to live with them and embrace them. In the words of Rainer Maria Rilke;

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.”

I celebrate this milestone with humble gratitude that, despite my weaknesses, I have learned some valuable and unexpected lessons.

Five lessons I’ve learned since turning 50

1. Hard doesn’t mean impossible.

“Can’t” was a big part of my inner vocabulary. I didn’t realize this until we faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Now I understand that life may be hard or difficult, but not impossible. “I can’t” has become “I can try,”

2. My voice matters.

As our medical needs grew in the days following my 50th birthday, I found myself at the mercy of more than 60 medical professionals. I felt voiceless and inadequate, drowning in a sea of expertise. Something was wrong, and I knew it. I faced a difficult choice. Do I listen to the experts or trust my instincts as a mother? My decision to listen to my mom’s heart has made all the difference.

3. Embrace reality.

As life became increasingly challenging, I found myself idealizing my past. “If only” and “I wish” kept my heart and mind directed to our old life. “Someday” kept me idealizing our future. Only when I chose to embrace reality did I find myself able to connect with our present. Today is all we have and all we’re meant to live.

4. My health is my own.

When our health declined, I looked to a doctor to fix us. I resisted responsibility for my family’s health. After exhausting our options, I knew it was time to try a different path. Food became our best prescription for recovery. My kitchen became our pharmacy. Taking charge of one’s health is both empowering and rewarding.

5. Keep going.

My health and mind collapsed the day our world collapsed, and I struggled to get through every minute of every day. My unrelenting fatigue, along with the sudden loss of my mother, took me deeper into despair and discouragement. I hung onto one thought: “Don’t give up.” Even if I wasn’t “succeeding” and our lives were still in turmoil, at least I was trying. There is much to gain by taking the next step.

I no longer see aging as something to deny and defy. Now I understand the truth. Aging is both a privilege and an opportunity, as expressed in these words by poet Robert Browning:

Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be . . .

Filed Under: Beauty, Microbes & Mold, Mold, Natural Living, Uncategorized Tagged With: aging, health, idealizing, impossible, listen, mother, perseverance, questions, wisdom

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Comments

  1. Maribeth says

    August 7, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Happy 50th Andrea!!! This is a great postcscro!!!

    Reply
  2. Anonymous says

    August 7, 2012 at 8:51 am

    You look beautiful the same way. Inside and out. 🙂

    Reply
  3. Claudette says

    August 7, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    A very happy birthday to you Ms. Andrea. God has been good, He brought you a long way. Thanks for your resilience.

    Reply
  4. Jane Harrold says

    August 7, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    Thanks for bringing this up – as a mom of eight – youngest being nine – everyone told me not to go natural – but I have recently said “Let’s go natural”
    Now I have one of white gray – and I’m sure it’ll be shocking, but I’m hoping to have the courage to just do it!

    Reply
  5. Anonymous says

    August 7, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Happy birthday, I turned 50 last year and I have been coloring my hair since I was in my late teens, highlights, perms at that time etc. My aunt is a hairdresser, so spent lots of time in her shop. Now I color my hair because of the grey. I am not too worried despite all the toxins. I figure it is not a sin, I am not doing it for someone else, but my husband does like it when my roots are covered, but has said I should just let it grow out. I think my mother and aunt would not like that much, LOL. There are worst things one can do that is for sure.

    Reply
  6. Cheryl says

    August 7, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Thank you for another beautiful and touching article, and thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience with all of us. Happy Birthday Andrea!!

    Reply
  7. Robin Plant says

    August 7, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    I was wondering if anyone has a suggestion about a natural blueing for gray hair to keep from turning yellow. I use a shampoo that is for this but am concerned about whether it is safe for me. I get bumps on my head sometimes from using it.

    Reply
  8. Maribeth says

    August 8, 2012 at 2:41 am

    I think I meant to say
    “This is a Great Post!”
    – not “postcscro”
    Happy Birthday anyway!!!!
    I liked your before and after pics on MomsAware website!
    Maribeth

    Reply
  9. Bryan says

    August 26, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    I’ve just found your blog and been reading it with much interest, sadness and hope.

    I am an evacuee from my residence and soon to move into to a new place. I think they cleaned the carpets so I hope I will be okay.

    I’m so impressed with how you’ve dealt with this disaster and I’m scarred for myself.

    My health has been poor for a while and recently my mold found behind/under/around the bathtub, bathroom walls.

    The worst part is since I had been feeling poorly, I started taking baths, long baths in Febuary and just kept getting sicker. So I would take more baths since I didnt associate the two.

    TOday, I have memory problems, twitches, food immune reactions, numbness in extremities, depressed immune function, disordered hormone/sexual function, vision deterioration.

    Well, getting off track, happy birthday. I’m grateful to have found your blog.

    Bryan

    Reply
  10. Andrea Fabry says

    August 27, 2012 at 2:48 am

    Bryan,
    Nice to hear from you! It’s a long road filled with lots of obstacles…but your knowledge will prove to be empowering for you. Hang in there…glad you’re able to get a fresh start soon.

    Reply
  11. Andrea Fabry says

    August 30, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Robin,
    A clarifying agent such as raw apple cider vinegar might be worth trying!

    Andrea

    Reply
  12. Cary says

    September 11, 2015 at 7:08 pm

    Hi Andrea! Great article. What do you use to color you hair these days? I’ve followed your blog off/on over the last few years, and recall when you started using coffee, then moved to Henna. But this was a few years ago. I googled to see if there might be recent posts, but didn’t find any. I noticed from the picture in this article that your hair is no longer black. What are you using to color it these days? I’m a 44 yr old wife/mother with challenging skin issues and am trying to avoid chemicals. I haven’t colored my hair in years, but I’m trying to find some healthy hair color options . I’m looking for a med-to-dark brown or black color to cover my gray hair. Any suggestions? How did you achieve such a beautiful medium brown color? I hope you can reply soon. Thank you in advance. Blessings, Cary

    Reply
    • Andrea Fabry says

      September 12, 2015 at 8:08 am

      Hi Cary! My hair really is a dark brown, rather than black. I’m not really coloring it…the gray is slowly coming in. Sometimes I use henna, but I’ve found it has a reddish tint to it. Every once in awhile I use the henna, but overall am just letting it be natural. I think something that has slowed the gray is my shampoo avoidance. Now that I wash my hair every 7-9 days, it seems to slow the gray. I like the products from Morroco Method – the henna seems to be a good quality. I hope this helps. Nice to hear from you!

      Reply

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MEET ANDREA

I am a certified Building Biology Advocate, a former journalist, mother of nine, and avid CrossFitter who likes to think outside the box. After our family's health crisis in 2008, I learned to ask questions about what's in our food, our water, and our air. I hope to empower you as you seek to live safely in a complex world. Thankfully, small steps lead to big changes. Let's travel this road together, one step at a time.

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10 Things I’ve Learned (The Hard Way)

1. The answer may be right in front of you.
2. Time is often the best medicine.
3. Speak kindly to yourself.
4. The air we breathe matters.
5. It's better to know than not know.
6. Relinquishment is a balm for the soul.
7. Symptoms will instruct if we listen.
8. Sometimes you're the expert.
9. Allow hindsight to move you forward.
10. The next step is enough.

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